This coming July, I will have been in Wales for 8 years. The first 5 years were fantastic; I'd bought a large house with 8 acres of land & was living with my partner who I absolutely adored. We were running a successful business together & in August 2007 my beautiful little girl was born. It was idyllic & at this time I couldn't have been happier. However, by January 2008 the sh*t had started to hit the fan. The last 3 years in Wales have been hell but, those are stories for another day!
I've made no secret of the fact that I'm ready to go home now. The main reason I've stayed in Wales rather than leg it back home at the first sign of trouble is, because I work here. I do love my job but unfortunately, I'm on a fixed term contract & this is due to expire at the end of August this year. I was initially taken on on a 6 week contract. That was in 2009. I've been lucky to have my contract extended 3 times but there's no chance of an extension now - due to cuts in the sector that I work in - so, when August comes, I'll be unemployed. Which is ironic really when you consider that my job is to 'help people to help themselves get back into work'! Aaaargh!!! I'll be practising what I preach then, ha!
My original plan was to move back to Liverpool in September. I need to get accommodation sorted for me & Laiken, get her into a school & then start applying for jobs in Liverpool. Might sound a bit ar*eways up to some people but, my priority is Laiken & it's important to me that she feels settled & is happy in her new surroundings before I disappear back into work. I've been saving like a maniac so that if I didn't find work straight away, we'd be ok for a bit.
However! Now that I'm having treatment for cancer & will be having my reconstruction in about 5 months time, I've had to put all of those plans on the backburner!
I'll need aftercare for a while &, depending on what type of reconstruction I have, I may need to stay in Wales for a couple of months after my op. I'd rather get all of this out of the way before I go. For continuity in treatment I suppose.
So who's going to employ me whilst I've got all this going on? Yeah, we all know that employers are not allowed to discriminate but, given a choice between me & someone who is ready to start straight away & won't need a lot of time off......well, let's be honest, what do you think's gonna happen?!
So, the only way I can see the positives in this situation is to look at it like this: I have no mortgage, no 'partner', no other ties at all really so, I can please myself as to what I want to do; if I'm not working then I get to catch up with family & friends & do a bit of networking whilst job hunting. I get to re-discover my city & find my way around again (sooo much has changed since I last lived there!) &, I suppose I get to have a rest.
Cos I deserve a rest! Anyone who knows me will tell you, it's a wonder I haven't had a nervous breakdown by now. On top of all of the upheaval, emotional trauma & (let's call it) the run of bad luck that I've had, I've worked my ar*e off in Wales - both when I was running my business & as an employee.
So yeah. I'm still gonna go home as soon as I can but how things are gonna pan out is anyone's guess. I'm a big believer in 'everything happens for a reason' but, f*cking hell! Gimme a break already!
Anyway, we'll see what happens, all I know is that whatever predicament I find myself in at the time, I'll just have to make the best of it & I'm pretty good at doing that - I've had loads of practice!
I've loved living in Wales. It's beautiful, the people are great & my friends are AMAZING but, having a life threatening illness has made me think more about my daughter's future. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel as if I've 'stared death in the face', noooo way! Not by a longshot! I'm all clear of cancer for the moment but things do change & should anything happen to me, I'll feel better if I know that she's in familiar surroundings with people that love her. This is what I've decided &, given that her dad's an ar*ehole of the highest degree, ultimately all of the decisions come down to me.
I just want to take my baby home as soon as possible now please. The sooner we 'get home' the better. I want to leave all of the unhappy memories behind me & start afresh. I think anyone would &, I'm lucky that I'm able to do that. I've got somewhere to go - some people don't get chances like these.
By the way, if you're reading this 'T' then I'd just like to point out that (a) whilst I won't speak ill of you or, disrespect you or, allow other people to disrespect you in front of Laiken, I've called you much worse to your face (b) we haven't seen you since last August so really, you don't get much (if any) say in this whatsoever & (c) if you don't like what you're reading then get the f*ck outta my blog!
The Only Way is Liverpool!!
Love Chez. xx