Such a rollercoaster of emotions. Not helped by the fact that I suddenly realised this week that I've got a lot more medical appointments to attend - I may not have cancer anymore but I'm still a cancer patient. & the reconstruction isn't a 'one stop' operation. It's going to require regular follow up appointments depending on the type of surgery & the whole process could take up to 18 months.
I've also had to admit this week that even thinking about moving back to Liverpool is taking it's toll on me. I've been putting so much pressure on myself to press on with my plans that I've overlooked the most important factor in all of this, the thing that I need to look after the most - my health.
Realistically, I'm not going anywhere for the moment. I've had to accept the fact that I'm going to be in Wales for a little while longer. I could have my reconstruction done in Liverpool. We have the Linda McCartney Centre there, based in the Royal Liverpool Hospital. But moving house is stressful enough. To have to be dealing with finding a new job, a new school for my daughter & then treatment for Breast Cancer on top of all of that......it's just too much. Like I said, even thinking about it is driving me crazy!
So, I'm going to stay where I am for the time being. I'm going to take the pressure off of myself.
I'm going to try to not even think about moving for the moment. & there's nothing to stop me visiting Liverpool in the meantime.
I've also decided that there's no reason why I shouldn't apply for jobs when my current employment contract ends in August. I've been considering looking for something part time though. Cos I'm still getting tired easily at the moment. The main reason for this though, is because I've realised too, that before my diagnosis, I didn't have a very good 'work/life' balance. I'm a single mum with a 3 year old; I've been through loads in the past few years & I've worked my socks off through all of it. I need a break! I need to cut myself some slack! I can't do everything!
Whatever happens, I'm going to try not to let it stress me out.
Whatever will be, will be. Why worry about the end of August? Absolutely bloody anything could happen in the meantime!
I've had a lot of highs this week. It's been draining but on the whole, I've enjoyed myself!
& getting to stay in Wales ain't so bad! I've got LOADS of lovely friends here!
Tuesday was really good, I went into work to see my Manager to discuss how things might be when I return. A few of us went out for a nice lunch & afterwards, I went back into work to catch up with some of my colleagues. It was lovely to see everyone & it was nice to get out of the house & find out what everyone else has been up to!
On my way home from work, I bumped into another friend & ended up sat in a beer garden for the rest of the afternoon drinking lager shandies! I had such an enjoyable day!
Last night my friend Catriona came round & we drank (two [ahem!] bottles of) wine, ate nibbles, talked politics & generally put the World to rights! Again, lovely to catch up & it made me realise that I definitely do need to take time out to see friends, unwind & relax in general - a lot more than I usually do!
This evening, I had a visit from a friend that I haven't seen for nearly 4 years!
I've known Rhys more or less since I moved to Wales. He's got a daft sense of humour (like me!) & he's one of those people that, when I spend time with him, I just laugh! & we've laughed LOADS this evening!
However! He hasn't read this blog! (Shame on you Rhys!) It was great to see him though!
So, while I'm not about to start parachuting out of planes or anything like that, the lesson I've learned this week, in a nutshell, is in the title of this blog post!
Live life, laugh lots, love forever. It's a simple philosophy. I dunno if it's tried & tested - it's a saying that's been around for a while - but I'm gonna give it a go.
I've got nothing to lose, everything to gain & I'm gonna have fun trying!
So, until next time HAVE FUN! Love Chez. xx