Friday, 27 May 2011

Just Go With It! Or Just Get On With It?

I had my first counselling session this week so that's my new 'life mantra' (up there in the title) - 'Just go with it. Just get on with it' seems like another good one.

'D' (my counsellor), never told me to 'just go with it' - or 'just get on with it' either come to that matter - a good job really, I'd have thought that'd be a bit harsh coming from a counsellor.
But, I've had a really good week! After all my moaning in my last post F*ck Cancer, I've had three days in a row where I've had a bit more energy, been in a better mood & I've managed to get a few things done. By that I mean I've been 'putting my house in order' & trying to prepare for next week.
There are two major events next week. It's my birthday & my first day back at work. I'm trying to get organised so that next week is a breeze. I've been cleaning, washing ironing.....it's really taken my mind off thinking about cancer & hospital appointments. Even though I have a few appointments looming.
It's given me things to look forward to. Both important milestones really.

Monday, 23 May 2011

F*©k Cancer!!

I went out with friends from work on Friday night. My BFF Dawnie (gonna miss her sooo much!), is leaving our work place next week so Friday was her 'leaving do'. It was a really good night, I had a new dress (courtesy of my dad - an early birthday present - bless him!) & new shoes to wear &, on Friday morning I'd gone & had my hair cut & coloured (very fecking expensive cos I haven't had it done for ages!).......so I was feeling pretty good & happy to go out but, I was a bit worried about how long I'd be able to stay out for. I actually surprised myself & managed to be amongst the 'last one's standing' but boy did I pay for it on Saturday! And, I'm still paying for it now - I'm s-h-a-t-t-e-r-e-d! But more on the effects that drink has on me later........

This 'fatigue' that I'm experiencing is just draining the life outta me, it's ridiculous! If I'm going somewhere that means I'm going to be on my feet for more than a few hours, I have to rest the day before & then the day after. I don't mean that I'm out partying all the time - noooo way! Far from it! In fact, I was getting worried that I was developing agoraphobia cos I haven't been far at all. And ok, I'm only eleven weeks post op so let's face it, I'm bound to be tired after a good night out (who isn't?!) No, this is a different kind of tiredness.

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

'C' is for.....Cheryl

Today's post is a 'guest post' that has been written by my sister Leah. It feels a bit strange having her say all these lovely things about me but hey! If she wants to tell everyone I'm fab who am I to stand in her way?! And after all, it was me who asked if anyone would like to do a guest post. It could have all gone horribly wrong!! I'll hand you over to Leah then..........

(L - R) Cheryl & Me.
So what's this big 'C' word?? ...... for me, it stands for my big sis - Chez!

I decided that I would like to do a 'guest blog post' for Cheryl, not because I'm sad or need to let my feelings out but because hopefully, I can give some insight as to how the families of people diagnosed with cancer might feel. 
So this is my story so far, in my own words - from a little sisters point of view........ 

Friday, 13 May 2011

Life In The Slow Lane

What a bloody day! I'd already written this post two days ago but Blogger crashed Worldwide yesterday so all the effort I'd put into this post was a waste of time cos anything written & saved before a certain time was lost!! Here I am now, trying to remember what I'd already written! Oh well, the best laid plans & all that......!

Anyway, I've just spent two & a half lovely days with Nicola, who is one of my very best friends from Liverpool!
I've known Nicola for about eighteen years (I feel sooo old saying that!), we met whilst working together & she's one of the very few people who has kept in constant touch with me - apart from my BFF Kerry - since I moved to South Wales nearly eight years ago.

Nicola hasn't been too well herself lately in fact, that's a bit of an understatement so, for her to get on a train on her own & come all this way to see me is amazing & I just can't even begin to put into words how touched I was by this gesture. Bearing in mind that she's had her own sh*t going on & has three kids to think about, I just think it was so incredibly lovely of her to make the effort to come & spend time with me.

What struck us both about her visit though, is how very different our get together was compared to those of years gone by.

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

To Blog Or Not To Blog

A couple of weeks ago I was contemplating giving up on my blog.
I was overtired, stressed & couldn't be sure whether my friends were just reading my blog to humour me - cos they felt sorry for me - as I'd obviously put some effort into creating 'the latest post'!

I also wondered if I'd done the right thing by advertising the fact that I had Breast Cancer all over the Internet for the whole World to have a look at! Bit late for worrying about that now anyway......!! 

Since then, I've had loads of positive comments, emails, Facebook & Twitter messages from people, encouraging me to carry on. Most encouraging is the fact that the blog is now being read by people in different parts of the World & they're coming back to read more of my posts!

One of my really good friends from work, Andrea, came to visit me on Friday morning & she was telling me that all of my friends at work talk about my posts. We were discussing my writing style (I write as I speak - swearing included!) & what I hope to achieve in all of this.

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Live Laugh Lo♥e!!


 I've had a bit of a strange week cos the Tamoxifen are definitely kicking in now. I've been laughing hysterically one minute & then crying like a baby the next! It's been exhausting & I am a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y shattered!
Such a rollercoaster of emotions. Not helped by the fact that I suddenly realised this week that I've got a lot more medical appointments to attend - I may not have cancer anymore but I'm still a cancer patient. & the reconstruction isn't a 'one stop' operation. It's going to require regular follow up appointments depending on the type of surgery & the whole process could take up to 18 months.

I've also had to admit this week that even thinking about moving back to Liverpool is taking it's toll on me. I've been putting so much pressure on myself to press on with my plans that I've overlooked the most important factor in all of this, the thing that I need to look after the most - my health

Monday, 2 May 2011

Feeling like Frankenstein

Frankenstein's Bride
I went along to the hospital last Thursday to meet Carol, my Breast Care Nurse. The meeting was arranged so that I could look at photos of - & discuss with her -breast reconstructions that have been done by surgeons in the locality.

I said in my post Hormone-icidal Maniac, that I've been wanting to cry a lot lately but nothing has actually happened; I haven't been able to cry.

Well, I cried my eyes out on Thursday! & I've cried a good few times since then too. The floodgates have opened.........
 

Sunday, 1 May 2011

The Story So Far......

Well, I feel that I can't really go much further in my blog without re-capping on a few things, setting a few things straight & generally 'tidying up' my ramblings so far!

I've re-read & re-edited some of my older posts this evening, nothing major, just little tweaks here & there & I've added 'labels' (I've got to be honest, I don't know what labels are for or, what purpose they serve but, I've added them anyway!)

I've (hopefully) corrected typo's, bad grammar, punctuation etc etc.....like I said, just tidied up a bit.

So, I started this blog as an 'online diary' for family & friends to read but, it seems I have attracted a little 'following' & as a major bonus, I've made some lovely new friends; some living on the other side of the world which - I think - is amazing because, how else would I have met these people?