One Year On

I said in my recent post Looking back moving forward, that I wasn't going to dwell on the fact that, come tomorrow, it will be exactly one year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer but please, just indulge me for these few short paragraphs then I promise, I'll change the record!!


I'll never forget the date, 1st February 2011, for as long as I live, in fact, I've been having vivid flashbacks to that day since I last blogged & yesterday, just to rub a bit more salt into the wound, I had my first annual mammogram. I say first because, I'll be having them every year for a long time to come. 
I felt ok yesterday morning but as I walked into clinic late yesterday afternoon, my stomach was churning. I got through it without crying though. There's a first hey? Considering I'm usually suicidal after a Zoladex injection, I think I did good. *puts two fingers up to Zoladex*

I'd say that since then, I've just been feeling a kind of numbness. I don't know, it's hard to explain, I think I'm in some kind of shocked state to be honest. I did joke that 'at least the mammogram will take less time to do this time around, what with them only having to do one side!' (& I was in & out of the hospital within 25 minutes which surely, must be a world record?) But truthfully, I'm still as devastated today as I was 12 months ago. I'm just so much better at hiding it now.
I don't consider myself to be at the '1 year down, 4 years to go' stage just yet either. If the cancer doesn't come back in the first five years then apparently it's a really good sign that it won't come back at all. I had surgery & became 'cancer free' on 7th March last year so, as long as these latest results come back clear with an 'NED' (no evidence of disease) status, then in five weeks time, I'll be celebrating. Albeit with a large dose of trepidation but hey, it's a milestone & one that I'll be glad to reach. In the meantime, I'm hoping that the next two weeks pass very quickly. That's roughly how long I have to wait for the results to come back; two weeks. Waiting again. Ah well, I've been here before; it isn't the first time & it certainly won't be the last......


Anyway! I said a few short paragraphs so I guess it's time to move onto other things now!
I've been trying to keep myself busy with my new work venture which I'm glad to say is going really well &, I've been writing blog posts for a website so hopefully, I'll be able to share the link here (in this blog) within the next few weeks so that you can see what I've been up to.
In the meantime, I was absolutely gobsmacked on 22nd January, when I realised that my blog has had over 30,000 page views since I started it last March! I still can't believe that people want to read it but they do! So to all of my readers - THANK YOU!


Now, as I said earlier, I'm feeling a bit numb & out of sorts at the moment but I do have another guest blog coming up very, very soon & the lady concerned has written a fantastic post to share here. When I'm feeling a bit more 'with it', I'll be introducing you to her, I just don't feel up to explaining WHY it's such a fantastic post (although you'll see that for yourselves when I post it) & I do want to explain exactly why I've decided to carry on blogging too. I just don't feel up to writing about it this evening.


So, to continue in a similar vein, (i.e, all things blog related),  I thought I'd share something with you that I've found quite funny at times.
When I look at the Live Traffic Feed for my blog, one of the things it shows me is phrases that people have typed into their search engines before they land upon my blog. Obviously they're not looking for my blog but this is where they inadvertently end up!
I've written about various things in these past 10 or 11 months so these are just some of the phrases but some of them have shocked me! I didn't realise that I'd been in such a crappy mood for so long! 
Anyway, this is what people type into Google etc.

Desperate scousewives is crap.

2011 was such a shit year.

How do desperate scousewives do their hair?

Give me a scouse brow.

Stop calling me an inspiration.

Chez is a bitch.

Bitch blog.

Stop calling her a bitch and you know you love her.
I'm so bored.
So depressed.
Boring blog.
My life is crap I want to die.
My girlfriend is a psychopath.
I may look calm but in my head I’ve killed you three times.
Still wanted to kill you.


Oof!! Maybe I should be concerned?! I don't know!
What do you think??
Until next time peeps, 
Thanks again for reading,
Love Chez. xx